after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
