guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
