everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
