He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
