I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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