his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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