My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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