no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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