How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She bit a glass in half.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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