I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Still dying that you shit outside
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
