4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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