You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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