covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
