So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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