I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
