Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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