Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
