It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
