i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
