does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
