Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
