Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
