CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
