I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
