I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
