Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
