I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
