I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
