Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
