I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
