come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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