I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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