Don't you send me to vm
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
