are you still at the devil's house?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
