No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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