We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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