Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm jealous of your bromance
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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