$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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