I could make wine with my vomit
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
