The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
