i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
