Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
