I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
