Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
