I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
