He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
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