I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
