she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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