I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
