So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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