i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
