i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
