just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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