are you still at the devil's house?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
