Me too!
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Holy shit dude........stairs
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
